Could I Be Changing?


Sure, why not. We change millions of times throughout our lifetime. Just ask the little invisible bugs that feed off our decaying skin. Hey biologist, back me up here.

I met a woman on the plane today and had a blast talking to her. Some might think this is par for the Leo course, but I assure you I have a hard time being bothered these days. Especially on a plane when all I want to do is sleep. But she had a gorgeous simple platinum ring and I had to compliment her on, and the next thing you know I was giving her job links, talking about travel, and offering to share a back burner project with her. Her passion is researching.

Anyway, the point was that as I was telling her about me, what I do, Eugene — and I was struck with an overwhelming desire to get on with my life. My writing life.

What I discovered was a quiet beckoning agenda to write full time. To give it a go. Not that I can afford to do that necessarily. But actually, I could in six months if I tried harder now.

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So, two things were realized. One, that Eugene, while it has been a wonderful middle step between SF and what’s next on several fronts in my life, it is also almost time to leave.

The second, was that after a decade of saying I’d never want to be a full time freelancer, I found that I might want to try it. For just a spell. I do love people and thrive on connecting with them, and heck I love working and attending events, but I am also craving a deeper connection to me that I didn’t realize was needed. I’m not using my gifts. And after a week of telling heaps of people what I do (from the wedding, to one of my best friends, to my family, and now to this stranger on the plane), I’ve realized that I’m wasting my own time.

Not with Sand, no no no. That’s spot on. But everything else except for my blog, everything I’ve been doing or not doing to pay the bills, needs to be upgraded.

And then there’s the bizzare side to all of this. I really want a couch. I’ve started telling this to people lately and they look at me funny. But it’s becoming important for me to have a separate room to work from where I sleep, and that this other room have a large comfy couch. I assure you all of these things are connected and will come together. I know they will. All I have to do is begin.