The Vanity of an Author…


…this author. OK, so we’re usually here talking about the creative and business end of being a writer. But what about the emotional side? Too big of a topic, but here’s what I’ve been thinking about lately.

My bio picture. Yesterday, I had the beginnings of a panic attack when I took the Panties galley to the copier to make some review copies. The clerk asked me how many pages there were and I started flipping to the back. Towards the end I found my old picture in there. I don’t know what I did faster, pick up the phone or check to see if it was the old bio accidentally left in there. Nope, it was the new bio, old Sand picture.

You might remember from last year’s tour that I had to deal with lots of comments from that picture. Mostly people coming up to me and telling me how bad that picture was, or how much better I look in person. Well, yes, that’s a compliment I should learn to take, but I was bugged because that picture went in without my ok.

I’m sorry Susan, I know you like it. And you were just trying to do the right thing.

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Ok, back to the current book. You woulda thought since I hated the last one so much that I’d be on top of it this year. But I wasn’t. I let time slip and during the last minute crunch I dealt with the editorial stuff, not my page. Since I couldn’t get a high enough res picture in, I asked them not to put one in at all. No picture, no comments. So, what was it doing in the galley?! Especially since moments before Susan told me that the book had just gone to the printer.

Long story long, our typesetter had neglected to make the change twice and Susan was going to take it out during blue lines. Expensive. Anyway, it’s taken care of now, but I’m starting to get that demanding shallow author feeling. No! Say it isn’t so. I must stay humble!

But that’s not all. If that weren’t vain enough, I’m also making efforts to firm up in case we get any TV interviews this fall. Laugh, go ahead, but yes, I want to look good for TV. The myth about the cameral putting 10lbs on you is true, I just made a TV tape and can speak first hand. I’m trimming down for Conan. Just in case we’re able to get booked. I want him to flirt with me like he does with some of the other girls he interviews.

Alright, it’s too early in the work day to be laughing this hard. Now you have a glimpse of the darker more shallow side of Jen Leo. Lets have a Mojito and giggle about it.