Hey FOX News, Don’t Wreck My Low Maintenance Cover


Greendem at Daily KOS tied in the current political haps with an old travel advisory from Fox News. How this Fox article escaped me a few months ago, I just don’t know. But, geez. If I follwed this, it’d ruin my low maintenance reputation I’m struggling to maintain.

Paranoia Will Destroy Ya – FoxNews Advice on Foreign Travel [Daily KOS]
by greendem (Tue Sep 21st, 2004)

Tips for Traveling Abroad Safely [FOX News]
By Juval Aviv (Wednesday, July 21, 2004)

If having a weekender in Canada is considered traveling abroad to FOX NEWS, here are my preparations…

“Before you depart for an overseas business trip or vacation, you should acquire as much information as you can about local current events within a destination country”
Hmmm….it’s a toss up between Wordstock 2004 in Toronto and the Harvest Halloween Hill Billy Hoe-Down in Guelph.

“When you eventually arrive in a foreign country, be thinking about protecting yourself immediately.¬†First and foremost, spend as little time at the airport as possible, and avoid heavily glassed areas.”
Got it. I’ll inform my author escort to bring a trench coat and rush me to his trunk as quickly as humanly possible. Getting out will make for a nice entrance to the “Free Your Inner Comic” class at Wordstock.

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“As you begin traveling within a country, never advertise the fact that you are an American.”
Easy. How’s this…A boat.

“If you are traveling on business, don’t advertise your corporate affiliation or title on your luggage or other items, such as clothing.
Right. I don’t think Al Qaeda has a fighting chance in hell if Sean Keener catches me burning my BootsnAll cap. But just for kicks, lets see who’d win in a Google Fight. BootsnAll or Osama bin Laden. Uh oh.

“Do not accept a room that has a balcony on a low floor with a sliding door.”
Double dog dare me to make this request of my host?
Friend: “We’re here.”
Jen: “Great! Put my bags in the master bedroom on the second floor. Tossing sleeping bag… You take the family room next to the sliding glass door. Thanks, you’re a prince.”

“Instead of sightseeing, maybe consider not leaving your hotel at all.”
Don’t have to ask me twice, I’ll be shopping at Duty Free.

“Morbid as it may seem, you should make out a letter of instruction in the event of your death.”
Scott M. Gimple gets my old journals for using as a basis for future character in a movie.
Susan, please burn everything in storage.
My Goddaughter Berklee gets my Prague Ring for her 16th bday
Jenn Colvin gets my new purse because it’d look good on her
My dad gets my laptop
BootsnAll gets my small collection of signed travel books for use with later developments of secret WR projects.

“Further, you should get fingerprinted and obtain dental X-rays for identification…”
Ahem…If I don’t have time to try and get on Conan, I don’t have time for this.

In semi related news. The Seattle Times came out with an article this weekend about Americans wearing Canadian patches to protect themselves in countries like France, Germany, and Italy. Puhlease. Eric, and whomever else is heading out on one of their first big trips, don’t be a wimp. If your taxi driver is pissed off about Bush, clue in and join the party.