The Book Tour Diaries, Ohio

Dear So and So,
Thank you for Carlos at Bank of America for lifting the 7-day hold on my tour check so I can have enough money to get around on the Midwest leg of my tour. And extra big thanks for Sandy at Avis who uttered the magic words—”Yes, we take debit cards.” I know there might’ve been some additional line she said to the gal next to her after we hung up…and it might’ve sounded something like…”Can you believe how many credit-fucked idiots there are out there? If only our bosses would advertise our debit card policy, we might get more customers than our competitors across the street.”

Because of these wonderful people I didn’t have to put a rideshare ad on Craigslist, and then lie to my boyfriend, “No, I promised you I wouldn’t do any more rideshares with strangers and I won’t, I’m taking a Greyhound from Ohio to Indiana.”

Nope, now I have a dirty black Toyota Corolla, heretoforth called the Limo.

But I couldn’t stop splurging there. I booked a room at the most expensive hotel I’ve ever stayed in on a tour…Best Western. $62/night plus tax. But they didn’t tell me about the plus tax until I asked to stay a second night. Now we’re up to $70. Still, it’s better than the $45 (plus tax) budget hotel I first pulled into with the drugged out hooker approaching me in the parking lot.




As if the Limo, and Chez BW weren’t enough of a splurge, I lost all control and took 15 pounds of dirty laundry to a woman who’d do it in three hours for 90cents/lb. That was just enough time to go get my nails done in an effort to spruce up for “Girls Night Out,” at Joseph-Beth in Cincinnati. Three hours till game time and I’m still in sweats, waiting for my clean clothes, and not worried at all because I’ve discovered how to use a hair straightener.

Life is good. Bring the crowds.

# # # #

Current location: Cincinnati, OH for “Girls Night Out!” at Joseph-Beth — Oct 5 at 7:00 p.m.
Up next: Indianapolis, IN — Oct 6 at Big Hat Books. Nobody knows what time. Not even them when I called them today…..uh oh.
The book: The Thong Also Rises
The tour: As scheduled so far…